THE MOVIE MOST LIKELY


OR:

HOW TO STOP LISTENING TO CRITICS AND LEARN TO ENJOY THE MOVIES


FADE IN:

EXT. CATHEDRAL STEPS - DAWN

A small girl stares at the cathedral and looks at the adult female beside her as organ music
comes from within the building.

LITTLE GIRL
Does God like movies?

ADULT FEMALE
No.

LITTLE GIRL
Why not? Some of them are very good.

ADULT FEMALE
Movies are evil. God doesn't like evil things. If you go to movies, you'll be evil too.

Adult female pulls child inside cathedral doors after her. Doors slam and there is silence.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLIFF OVERLOOKING PACIFIC OCEAN - SUNSET

A young woman sits staring at the ocean waves while her male companion stands nearby.

YOUNG WOMAN
I must have missed something. Movies are just moving pictures. If God doesn't like moving pictures why would he make ocean waves move? What's so evil about any of that?

Male companion squats beside her.

MALE COMPANION
Maybe God just likes the best movies. Talented moviemakers. Maybe bigger waves. Better
editing. And maybe He'd like to be listed in the credits. Maybe even top billing. Who'd have the nerve to mess up a movie if they gave God top billing?

They both stand and watch the sunset.

YOUNG WOMAN
God really should be in the credits. Unlike critics. They don't deserve any credit at all. You want to talk evil? Let's talk critics.

Soundtrack: Flowing piano arpeggios that gradually slow to silence until only the sound of the
ocean waves remains.

FADE TO BLACK

THE END

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If you don't like (or don't approve of) what's on at the movies, write a better screenplay yourself.
And don't believe anyone who tells you it can't be done.
Surround yourself with people who uplift you and encourage you to follow your dreams.

Helpful screenwriting links:
Scriptmag.com E-articles
Simply Scripts

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reel of film Some Of Deb's Favorite Moviesreel of film

star image It Happened One Nightstar image
1934--Columbia Pictures Corporation--directed by Frank Capra (who also directed Lost Horizon-1937, Arsenic And Old Lace-1944, Pocketful Of Miracles-1961)

Basically, a good romance novel on screen! Claudette Colbert, as Ellie, is pretty rebellious for a female in the 1930's, and she and Clark Gable (as reporter Peter Warne) give us plenty of chances to see their stormy relationship develop into something more. The overly used sex scenes of today's romances would have added nothing to this story (or most any other story) as far as I am concerned. The tale stands on its own, as told!

star image The Geisha Boy star image
1958--Paramount Pictures--directed by Frank Tashlin (who also directed films such as Son Of Paleface-1952, Caprice-1967, and many animated films)

Jerry Lewis is magician Gilbert Wooley, who goes to entertain the World War II troops stationed in the Pacific, along with his rabbit Harry. A little boy steals his heart. Mr. Lewis is always superb at comedy, but this film also brought out his tender side, which I loved.

star image McLintock! star image
1963--Batjac Productions--directed by Andrew V. McLaglen (also Shenendoah-1965, Sahara-1883, plus quite a few TV shows)

George Washington McLintock--if the name doesn't sound imposing enough, the man will let you know quickly just how much clout it carries. John Wayne is at his best in this film, and it helps that he has folks like Maureen O'Hara, Stefanie Powers, Yvonne DeCarlo, and Edgar Buchanan at his side. McLintock has a rather powerful way of dealing with people, and it gets him (and everyone else) into hot water (and a bit of mud too!) The film is over two hours long, but the time goes much too quickly.

star image The Thrill of It All! star image
1963--Universal International--directed by Norman Jewison (Jesus Christ Superstar-1973, ...And Justice For All-1979)

Beverly Boyer (Doris Day) is just a sweet simple wife and mom until she ends up having dinner with the head of a soap company, and innocently tells him just how much she likes Happy Soap. He is charmed by her candor, and suddenly she finds herself being chosen spokeswoman for the company. James Garner plays her husband, and with Beverly running here and there to promote soap, before long, things get a little out of hand. Carl Reiner wrote this crazy thing, and I just love it!

star image Beach Party star image
1963--American International Pictures--directed by William Asher (who directed several of the "beach party" movies, and as I recall, also some of TV's Bewitched episodes. I think he had a bit of familial interest there)

Beach Party introduced the beach gang who was usually led in one way or another by Annette Funicello (who is still one of my favorite role models) and Frankie Avalon. Harvey Lembeck also buzzed through almost every story as Eric Von Zipper, who was and misguided in his thinking "d'em surfers is bums". He and his Ratz and Mice (no sexist labels here, eh?) rode their motorcycles across the screen (and into the shrubbery most of the time) and showed us how innocent juvenile delinquents were back in the '60's.
Vincent Price had a cameo role in this film, and before the series of beach "flicks" was over, several stars would add a beach movie to his or her list of screen credits.

star image Bikini Beach star image
1964--American International Pictures--directed by William Asher)

This time the beach gang are being visited by singing sensation Potato Bug (played by Frankie Avalon), and the action revolves around Big Drag (none other than Don Rickles) and fast cars. Keenan Wynn does his thing as Harvey Huntington Honeywagon, and Boris Karloff does a cameo appearance. Stevie Wonder sings, and so does Donna Loren (who has her own website now).
(Many thanks to an anonymous angel for providing that link.)

star image Muscle Beach Partystar image
1964--American International Pictures--directed by (surprise) William Asher. Asher also wrote this one, along with Robert Dillon.)

Don Rickles joined the gang again, this time as Jack Fanny, promoter of muscles. Peter Lupus was muscle-bound Flex Martian. If you want more proof that all the big names wanted to be in the beach pictures, Buddy Hackett and Peter Lorre both appeared in this one.

star image Paris When It Sizzles star image
1964--Columbia Pictures Corporation--directed by Richard Quine, a busy man who has made his mark directing, acting, and writing. Other directing credits include My Sister Eileen in 1955, How To Murder Your Wife in 1964, and several Columbo TV movies.)

It isn't funny when people drink, but what happens to Richard Benson (William Holden) in this story as a result of partying instead of working makes a very funny movie. Gabrielle Simpson (Audrey Hepburn) comes to "temp" as a secretary for him so he can finish his movie script on time. The scenes alternate (with increasing frenzy) between Benson's apartment where the two are working and the scenes in his script, full of intrigue and Parisian local color. Nelson Riddle wrote the music, which heightens the mood greatly!

star image Pajama Party star image
1964--American International Pictures--directed by Don Weis (other directing credits include A Slight Case Of Larceny-1953)

hhhhmmmm---Annette is back, but you won't see Frankie Avalon---or will you? Well, that would be telling, now wouldn't it? Tommy Kirk is Go-Go, and he's (from) out of this world! Buster Keaton makes another fun appearance, and so does Don Rickles. Look for Dorothy Lamour too!

star image Ride The Wild Surfstar image
1964--Columbia--directed by Don Taylor (also directed Escape From The Planet Of The Apes-1971 and Island Of Dr. Moreau-1977)

This is a surfing movie. If you hate water, you won't like it at all. I loved the scenery, the waves, the surfing. The plot is probably a bit secondary, but it involves young men going for that perfect wave by traveling to Hawaii during the storm season which brings in the best surf, and in the meantime they find some nice young women to make life more interesting. Fabian was in this one, along with Barbara Eden, Tab Hunter, and Shelley Fabares. Go for the surfing. Stay for the romance.

star image The Battle of the Villa Fioritastar image
1965--Warner Brothers--directed by Delmer Daves (another busy man who has directed, written, and acted. He directed Broken Arrow-1950 and The Hanging Tree-1959, among others)

Has Maureen O'Hara ever even come close to a bad performance? She plays Moira, newly divorced with children, and the aforementioned battle is her children trying to lure her away from her new love interest, Lorenzo (Rossano Brazzi), and back to their father. Olivia Hussey (who would play Shakespeare's Juliet three years later in the film directed by Franco Zeffirelli) played the blossoming-into-young-womanhood part of Donna.

star image Beach Blanket Bingostar image
1965--American International Pictures--directed by William Asher, who wrote it with the help of Leo Townsend.)

The beach gang take to the skies in this one, which spotlights the sport of freefall skydiving. We have a mermaid, yes we do, and her name is Lorelei (played by Marta Kristen). And we have Sugar Kane played by a very young Linda Evans (who went on to The Big Valley and Dynasty)

star image How to Murder Your Wife star image
1965--Murder Inc (distributed by United Artists)--directed by Richard Quine, who also did another of my favorites, Paris When It Sizzles)

Forgive me, but this also involves what can happen to you when you drink too much. Jack Lemmon is Stanley Ford, who writes and draws a comic strip, and when he wakes up (after a friend's bachelor party) and finds that he is suddenly married (to the likes of Virna Lisi, no less), it changes his comic strip and his life. Terry-Thomas is the faithful butler. Mary Wickes is in this film too. She is such a talented actress, and yet few people know her by her name. If you remember Miss Cathcart in the old Dennis The Menace TV series, you remember Mary Wickes. She also more recently played housekeeper Marie in the Father Dowling Mysteries on TV.

star image Ski Partystar image
1965--directed by Alan Rafkin (Shakiest Gun In The West-1968 and How To Frame A Figg-1971)

Aron Kincaid (who was usually just one of the "beach boys" in beach films) got a bigger part than usual in this film, which found the beach gang trading in their volleyball and bikinis for parkas and snow skis. Dwayne Hickman (yep, the old Dobie himself) joins Frankie Avalon in trying to impress Deborah Walley and Yvonne Craig on the slopes. The only problem is that neither of them knows a ski pole from a tennis racket. I won't give away the whole plot, in case you've never seen it, but let's just say that before it's over, Aron Kincaid's character ends up mistakenly giving romantic sled rides to Dwayne Hickman). James Brown and Lesley Gore add some songs.

star image Paradise, Hawaiian Style star image
1965(I believe)--Paramount Pictures Corporation--directed by Michael Moore I(also directed The Fastest Guitar Alive-1967)

Rick (Elvis Presley) comes back to Hawaii wanting his old buddy Danny (James Shigeta) to go into business with him. But he has a reputation (or two) to overcome before he can prove himself to be a reliable business partner. The helicopter scenes are great fun and there is plenty of that Elvis music. Cute little Donna Butterworth was in this film, and she was also in one film with Jerry Lewis (The Family Jewels), and I don't know what became of her after that. Anyone know?

star image The Trouble With Angels star image
1966--Columbia Pictures Corporation--directed by Ida Lupino (is there anything she hasn't done? Let's stick to a couple of directing credits--Outrage-1950, The Hitchhiker-1953)

Mary Clancy (Hayley Mills) and her best bud Rachel Devery (June Harding) spend most of their time at St. Francis Academy for Girls either getting into, or doing penance for, mischief. But even when they are playing pranks, they are growing up in mysterious ways. Rosalind Russell is a natural as the Mother Superior, and the great cast of nuns include that delightful Mary Wickes (as Sister Clarissa) and Binnie Barnes (as Cister Celestine)(Ms Barnes recently passed away at the ripe old age of 95). Gypsy Rose Lee teaches a rather enlightening dance class. They did somewhat of a sequel to this film a couple of years later, called Where Angels Go Trouble Follows.

star image Romancing the Stone star image
1984--20th Century Fox--directed by Robert Zemeckis (Field of Honor-1973, Who Framed Roger Rabbit-1988, Forrest Gump-1994)

Michael Douglas (as Jack) and Kathleen Turner (as Joan) give us a good reason to hope that movies will once again return to romance and exotic settings as they try to survive all sorts of perils in Columbia. Danny DeVito plays a rasty Ralph, who manages to make their lives miserable before they find out how much they really do love each other.

star image Willow (Special Edition) star image
1988--Lucasfilm Ltd/MGM-UA--directed by Ron Howard (also directed Backdraft--1991, Apollo 13--1995, and A Beautiful Mind--2001)

Okay, I have to say it. I like every film I have seen that Ron Howard directed. I think when this young man was growing up, he became so steeped in film and television culture that he somehow learned exactly what makes film look the way it should look. It just works. And Willow is my favorite of his work. (Awhile back I saw him in a taped interview in which he said something about having felt that this picture was more for Lucas--I'm sure I'm misquoting his exact words--but I wanted to tell him that this feeling may be why the film is so special! Willow is on a mission for someone else's sake also. That feeling permeates the whole film!) And you can certainly forget all the stereotypes in films you ever saw with little people. In this film the characters (most of whom just happen to be short) are a hard-working, earnest, devoted people who want the same things everyone does. Warwick Davis, as Willow, makes you believe he can do anything with his faith and determination, and when he does falter a few times, you can only root for him because he represents the best in all of us.

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This page was last updated on June 1, 2009
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